Milenge Milenge is a tedious watch

Long, long ago when Shahid Kapoor [ Images ] hadn't beefed up his Kaminey [ Images ] body and Kareena Kapoor [ Images ] was oblivious to size zero, producer Boney Kapoor [ Images ] and director Satish Kaushik [ Images ] discovered the DVD of John Cusack-Kate Beckinsale-starrer Serendipity.

And they said to each other, 'Chal, Bebo-Shasha ko leke picture banate hain.'

Okay so that's a loose account of what really transpired. But you get the drift. 

Only, unfortunately for the two not new to this stuck-in-the-can syndrome (remember Prem and Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja?), this intended quickie gets indefinitely delayed for half-a-decade or so.

Meanwhile, a lot has changed and by that I don't mean the personal equation between the leads of this ironically-titled Milenge Milenge.

Post-Jab We Met [ Images ]/ Kaminey, Shahid has established his credibility as a performer with reasonable box office appeal whereas Kareena (whose acting talents were never in question) is a reigning Bollywood star freed of those ghastly blonde highlights and emblem of chic sophistication.

Milenge Milenge, akin to those awkward growing-up photographs we often bury into obscure corners of the closet, is an embarrassing reminder of the time before that.

So in this time-travel of the unintentional kind, Kaushik draws a serendipitous connection between the denizens of Vasant Kunj and Vasant Vihar, those are posh South Delhi [ Images ] neighbourhoods in case you care. If not, then you probably also don't give a damn about Shahid's drag queen act or his Rajendra Kumar-reminiscent archaic dialogues 'Mujhe apni safai pesh karne ka ek mauka bhi nahi diya' or Kareena sashaying in garish Aitraaz leftovers, their rendezvous against a worn-out Bangkok and jaded Dubai [ Images ] or how he employs the oldest Bollywood trick of stealing woo-friendly notes from her private diary or their relentless thesaurus-building exercise over fate, destiny, taqdeer, kismet, et al.